Like an Onion, Peeled for the very first Time

The Week of No Excuses

From now on, you will call me Stormageddon: Dark Lord of All.

Courtesy of Diary of a Mad, Caucasian, Overeater

I wish I could say that every day is successful. Truth of it is, it’s not. I mess up…all the time. I make excuses for the weight, for the struggle. I’m too stubborn, too big, too far from my goal. And not so deep down, I know it is a half hearted attempt at an excuse. This week is devoted to no excuses, and blogging every day. You see, I have this bad habit of completing transforming my life around one singular ideal. Currently, this ideal is being a perfect teacher. However, perfection is unattainable, and it surely won’t help me reach my personal goals. There is something to be said for balance in your life. I have a hard time balances a pencil on my finger, let alone maintaining a routine of healthy eating and exercise. But I’ll get there. You’ll see. This weeks goals: 5 workouts/Monday-Friday 1600-1800 calories consumed per day Relax…because if I keep looking for work to do, I will always find it.

Rantin’ and Ravin’

Courtesy of madcaucasianovereater.com

“My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.”

-Phyllis Diller

I just have to get this out the way….it has been 24 days since I have written on this blog. 24 days! I did NOT think it had been quite that long, but there it is. But here’s the good news: I’m back. And ladies and gents, I’m raring to go!

There are a number of reasons for my absence, but the biggest, and lamest excuse is my return to school. I teach a different age group this year (high school) and I have been working long, hard hours in order to do a good job. I’m even helping a student start a Literacy Group! I am adjusting well now, but unfortunately I think my eating habits and exercise suffered some. It was blissfully simple when I could eat when I wanted and work out in the middle of the day. However, my reality now is up at 6am, regardless of when I went to bed, lunch six hours later, and probably dinner six or seven hours after that. It has not been the greatest of systems. I should be eating something every three hours, not every six hours.

Have no fear, I have taken steps to remedy this. I’ve been packing my meals, buying breakfasts and lunches that I can make right in the staff lounge, and have been staying away from school lunches. They are a little too big right now anyways. The biggest issue right now is the “Birthday Exchange”. Does your office have one of those? For every staff members birthday, some kind of dessert (usually a cake) is brought in for everyone to eat. It is always in the common areas too: the staff lounge, next to the copier, or right in front of the office. It is unavoidable. Oh temptation! You sure are….sweet. Literally.

I have been exercising, but it has been a little on the spotty side. Usually it’s three days in a row, then two days off, then two days in, then one day off…I am working sticking to a more concrete schedule. If I make it to the gym four to six times a week I am happy. It makes me feel so much better that I actually exercised. It really isn’t doing much for my energy though.

I am draaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggginnnng at work right now. Maybe my body hasn’t fully adjusted yet to the change in schedule. It is the middle of week two, and I am waiting patiently for it to kick in, but it is taking its sweet time.

I might cave and start drinking Red Bull. I know. Bad idea.

Right now I want to crawl into bed with a Weight Watchers ice cream cone…in that order.

I set a 45 pound goal before X-mas, and I am determined to meet it, but I need your support. Push to make no excuses! No excuses!

How do you get yourself energized to workout?

The End of Childish Things

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”

-1 Corinthians 13:11

Blog Post Courtesy of my primary blog, Diary of a Mad, Caucasian, Overeater.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot about topics that I would like to talk about on this blog. It seems to me, if I am going to use this as a therapy tool during weight loss, then I need to talk about more than food, exercise, and weight. Clearly that is not what made me fat. Lack of exercise, and overeating were just the prescription for a deeper issue. I am not quite sure what that issue is.

The other day, I bought a book by David A. Kessler, MD called “The End of Overeating”. It is sort of a self-help book, but it is geared towards helping people who overeat (large or small) discover the reasons about what causes them to binge eat and what they can do about it. I am not finished with it, but it is really eye opening. One passage really struck a cord in me, because it is how I feel, every minute, of every day. It is spoken by a thin overeater named Samantha who is a law student. She says,

“I keep thinking that it would be so easy just to make healthy choices, so why can’t I do it? But instead, I rationalize what I eat in the weirdest ways. As soon as I’m not actively doing something, I’m thinking about what I’m going to eat. These are crazy thoughts I have. When I talk out loud about this, I feel ridiculous. It should not be all-consuming. I’m a smart girl with a lot going on in my life. The fact that I think about food for so many hours every single day is maddening.”

The book goes on to say, this time from a woman named Claudia:

“(When I eat) sometimes I can’t stop. It doesn’t happen at every meal, but if there’s appealing food in front of me, or I’ve been thinking about food a lot for some reason, I’ll keep eating, even to the point of being sick. There are days when I dream about food. I think back to the delicious meals I once had and long to feel the same sense of anticipation, happiness, and fulfillment they provoked.”

These women, who are very different from me, have the exact same issue. I feel these feelings daily, almost hourly. This panic, this anticipation, this worry that my next meal won’t come, and how could I possibly cope with that?

Naturally, this begs the question, has life always been this way? I’m not sure. When I was a kid, I was fed and fed to put weight on my body—I was so small. When I try to think back on my relationship with food, it’s blurry, almost numb. I ate to gain weight, and when I did I was mercilessly teased because of that weight. I forced my heart and my head to go numb when I ate food because of the judgment I would most certainly get from my peers about what I was eating. Food was always there, regardless of what friend had shuffled in and out of my life. I had to grow up, and fast, because I need to cope with what my relationship to food was doing to me socially. But I think a part of my childhood is frozen inside of me, unable to move on. Do you ever feel this way? Or is it just me?

Back to my current reality. It’s Monday, and I have lots of work to do. Forget the past for a bit, and move on to more positive horizons. Expect a post this evening about my day, what I ate, and how I exercised. Give the quotes I gave from the book some thought. It is definitely worth a look.

Failure is Not an Option

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” 

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Courtesy of The Diary of a Mad, Caucasian Overeater Blog

It is truly uncomfortable, realizing your shortcomings. It seems to be, that I have a lot of them, and I don’t always know what to do about it. Yesterday, I failed to make positive choices about what I was eating and it resulted in overeating.

I’m not proud of it, but like Fitzgerald says, don’t confuse this single defeat with a final defeat. I won’t give what little power I have away to an idea that I am a failure. Because a failure, and making a mistake are not the same thing.

Let me run through what happened yesterday so that your up to speed. This week, I have been consistently eating 1600-1800 calories a day, and have worked out at the Y! 5 times. I decided that I would work out Monday-Friday and that I would take Saturday and Sunday off. Well when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning and no weight was lost, I got upset. I kept thinking, “why am I doing this if there isn’t going to be any results?” I suspect some of that anger resulted in me caving to food, coupled with the fact that I was in my room all day—bored out of my mind.

I needed to get out of the house, but I was afraid if I did, I would end up ordering a large pizza with ice cream and then eat it all myself. And friends, I would have eaten it all by myself.

Instead I ate what I had in the house, and while it wasn’t a full out binge—I recognized the feelings I have had before when I wanted to binge eat, or throw in the towel, and I felt them yesterday. I consumed around 2300 calories.

So what do I do with this? I move on, I empower myself to make better choices and I learn to plan. So here’s what I have come up with:

• Do not lay around the house all day on the weekends. I know that I get bored easily, and that food is my cure for that boredom, so I need to find activities I can do outside the house to keep me away from the refrigerator.
• Don’t step on the scale so much. A pound of fat weighs 3500 calories, so that means I need to burn that many calories to lose a pound of fat. But that takes time. Even if I am working really hard, it is going to take a couple of days to see results, and I need to be cognizant of that.
• Blog. I know this may sounds silly, but when I get frustrated, I just need to blog about it instead of hiding. That is how I got so out of control in the first place, by trying to hide all the time.

So what do you think about my plan? Do you have any suggestions for me to avoid these kinds of pitfalls?

Today:

• Get out of the house.
• Go to the gym. (even though it wasn’t planned)
• Make a decent dinner.
• Get your mail, and stop by the store.
• Be a productive member of society.

Dear Blog Folk…

My dearests:

Please let me apologize for my spotty bloggage as of late. I have been using my down time trying to set up my own domain through Go Daddy and Hostgator. (which is harder than it looks!)

Fortunately, I am all set up at my new permanent home: http://www.madcaucasianovereater.com

Please check it out, as I will be blogging exclusively over there. Also note, I will continue to post in both blogs for awhile as a way to transition, but I just wanted my regular followers to know about the switch.

I have so much to tell you! Stay tuned!

It Has Been Awhile…

I haven’t updated my blog in several weeks–I’m not sure why. I have actually been doing quite well with weight loss and exercise, but now that I am in Virginia, I am trying to kick it into high gear.

I have been going to the gym 5 days a week, but I need to include more strength training. Right now, I burn approximately 400 calories every time I exercise and have a caloric deficit of approximately 1,000 calories. If my calculations are correct, then I burn 9,000 calories/week, and 36,000 calories a month. Since one pound of fat is equal to 3,500 calories, then I should expect to lose about 10 pounds/month.

This is what I have been hoping for anyways. I am also trying to limit my intake of sugar and carbohydrates. Not that I never eat them, I just limit my intake.

I will post later this evening with my meals for the day.

Created by MyFitnessPal – Free Weight Loss Tools

New Training Plan

Tags

Fitness, Physical exercise, Strength training, Weight loss

Weight In Results: 328 (that is a 1.6 drop this week) Officially down 10 pounds

Okay, so let’s focus on the positive. I LOST weight, I didn’t GAIN it, and it didn’t stay the SAME. I am actually really proud of that weight. It shows that I can do something positive for myself.

I realized last night that I am only 11 pounds from my first goal: losing 5% of my overall goal of losing 185 pounds. To help me focus, I have decided to switch up my training.

As I have said before, I feel at times out of control when it comes to my food intake, and I am working on it. However, I feel like I am mastering my workouts, and getting plenty of time in the gym. I think that is why I lost weight this week, because I consistently hit the gym. I’ve been noticing my workouts lagging a bit this week, so I have decided to try a new training plan: 12 Weeks to Weight Loss.

It is a three-month planned that incorporates cardio, strength training, and flexibility exercises. I have seriously lacked any strength training in my routine, so I find that this will be a vast improvement. I have been reading a lot about loose skin after weight loss, and while I know that I will almost certainly have loose skin once I lose all my weight, strength training will help tone my body as much as humanly possible–minimizing those effects. However, I need to focus on the present rather than dwell on weight I haven’t even lost yet.

Week One-Day One:

Beginners Interval Treadmill Workout (30 minutes)

Warm up	5 Minutes:  RPE 3-4: Warm Up at an easy pace
Rest Set	3 Minutes:  RPE 5:  Increase speed from warm up and increase incline 1%.  Keep a moderate pace.
Work Set	1 Minute:  RPE  6 – Increase incline 1-3% to raise the intensity level.  You should be working harder!
Rest Set	3 Minutes:  RPE 5 – Decrease speed and incline to lower your heart rate back to a comfortable level
Work Set	1 Minute:  RPE  6 – Increase speed 3-5 increments and increase incline 1-2% to raise intensity.
Rest Set	3 Minutes:  RPE 5 – Decrease speed and incline to lower your heart rate back to a comfortable level
Cool down	5 Minutes:  RPE 3-5 – Decrease speed/incline to lower your heart rate back to a comfortable level and cool down

Flexibility Workout (10-15 minutes)

I will post pictures after the workout for you to see what I am doing.

Questions of the Day: What is your workout routine? Do you work with a personal trainer? If so, why have you chosen to do so?

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead

If you are wondering why I titled this post, “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead”, don’t worry, I will explain in just a moment.

In terms of my weight loss and progress this week, I think I have been doing okay. This is usually how it pans out for me after the first two weeks: I have a loss of momentum/motivation, and I want to eat everything in sight.

I have been really good with maintaining the exercise. I am still going strong at 45-50 minutes 5-6 days a week. Now the eating, well that is a whole other story. I want to eat everything in sight! It is so frustrating. My body just naturally gravitates towards the pantry and refrigerator. I need to resist those urges. But it’s a process. Because of the food, I don’t anticipate a significant loss this week–but I feel like I am making progress from last week. I will report back after my weigh in tomorrow.

I really appreciate all of the support I am getting from my friends and family that are reading my blog, and I encourage you to comment and make suggestions. Please understand, I am not perfect, and those of you that know me well, know how long I have struggled with my weight issues. I just hope you learn from my “trial and error” strategy, and continue to give me the support I need.

Now, on to “Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead”. Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead is a documentary by Australian entrepreneur, Joe Cross, and it explores the process of juice fasting. Okay, now I know what your thinking: fasting? That’s hardly a permanent solution for weight loss. That is what I thought too.

In the documentary, Cross explains that less than a year ago he was 100 pounds overweight and suffering from a debilitating illness that resulted in massive rashes and welts on his body. Because of this auto immune disease he was prescribed medication, like Prednizone to deal with the nasty side effects of his illness. That is when he decided to take a rather strict approach to losing the weight: juice fasting.

Normally, people fast for three to seven days in order to detox the body of things like processed carbohydrates and caffeine. It is said to increase your energy, and make you feel better by restricting your food intake to a plant-based diet of fruits and vegetables. This would be fine, expect Cross decided to engage in a juice-only plant-based diet for 60 days! 60 days of no solid foods-just juice.

He remarks in the documentary that he chose an extreme method to losing weight, but travels the country talking to people about juice fasting and losing weight along the way.

After the two full months of consuming only juice, Cross lost 80 pounds and kept on going. By the end of the documentary, he had lost 100 pounds.

It wasn’t just Cross who got results from doing this. During the beginning of his journey, he met a truck driver named Phil, who tipped the scales at over 420 pounds, and he was desperate to get help. He suffered from the same auto-immune disease that Cross had, and didn’t believe he could be helped. Eventually, he reached out to Cross and asked for help. Phil agreed to do a 10 day fast, eating ONLY juice with fruits and vegetables in it–just like Cross. It was so successful, that he decided to continue for another 30 days with staggering results. By the end of his program, Phil had lost 202 pounds.

It is a compelling idea, but is juicing for the faint of heart? Probably not. I have considered undergoing a similar program for about ten days, merely to detox my body the processed food. I need something to significantly increase my energy. I am going to try out my options: exercising and counting points/calories, finding a good therapist, and getting my thyroid checked. If you are willing though, I think this would be an interesting program to try.

Disclaimer: I am NOT a doctor, physician, or nurse and engaging in any workout of diet program should be cleared by a Doctor first. This is merely my opinion on what I consider to be a very powerful documentary.

Why “Wanting It” is Not Enough

Tags

Motivation, Weight

I have been on diets and exercise programs since I was probably, ten years old. While these programs vary, the one thing that they continually have in common, is that they promise results. They promise a desired outcome. But is that enough? Can I lose a hundred pounds AND believe that I am worth loving? Will Atkins and exercise alone do this for me?

The truth is, no, it won’t. No program in the world will give you a feeling of self worth. That has to come from within, and it’s more than just wanting it. I want lots of things. I want a lifetime membership to Pancho Villa. I want a house with fifteen bedrooms. I want to marry Jake Gyllenhaal. At some point, you need to realize, that just because you WANT something, doesn’t mean you will get it. After a certain amount of time, I can manipulate my brain to believing anything is true—I can always talk myself out of wanting something that is good for me.

I can’t just want it. I have to need it too. And I don’t need Jake Gyllenhaal i my life.

Our needs are non-negotiable things. And this is where I fall short. All of the time. I realize that I need to exercise, I need to eat correctly, I need to feel happy about the person I am now, not the person I think I could be in the future. I live in the past, because that seems so much brighter than my past and present. There is nothing wrong with living in the future, but if you neglect the person that you are to fulfill some distant fantasy, you will always be disappointed.

Case it point: my diet.

I did not do well this past week, which resulted in a gain. A very small gain, but a gain nonetheless. What was my problem? Binge eating. I eat and eat and eat until I can’t eat anymore. I have been doing it for years, but I just don’t know how to stop, and when it is happening, I don’t want to stop.

I could truly disgust you with the amount of food and calories I can consume on a daily basis, but I won’t go too much into detail. I will leave it to your imagination. I will however tell you, I do it while I am locked away, and almost never in front of another living soul.

I recognize this is a problem. I have no issue with recognizing my flaws. It is one my strengths. My problem, is not knowing how to fix them. Wisdom states that once you acknowledge a problem, you can start taking the steps to fix it. But how? Where is the rulebook here? If it was as simple as calories in/calories out wouldn’t I have done it already?

I’m not sure.

This post doesn’t have any answers. Just questions.

Do you have any answers?